Got to let go of my ego and gain courage to share things with her.

same situation happen again.... chris!!! thing happened liao, you can't fall alseep again? Torturing yourself like that, what do you benefit from it. why you dont have the courage to tell her? Is your "face" so important? what are you scare of ? people to despise you? you are brought up by a good family and yet you do not have a proper job? how should you tell them? does it matter so much on how people look at you or how you look at yourself? which is more important? Think!!! 

Suddenly, tons of memories appear in my mind. someone once taught me or told me before, " you are who you think you are, if you are going to look down on yourself, eventually people can sense it throught your action and behaviour." 

I agree to this sentence but then, since when i start to behave like this? how come i do not have the confidence? what causes me to behave like this? is it because you scare you have no friends? or you are afraid of friends betray you just like in primary school? 

1. take my note book and throw away by my best friend?

2. up front is friend but at the back, kanna stab like crazy? i was too easy to manupilate?

3. fill up my water bottle with his urine by another best friend?

4. being chased after by 4 malay classmate, all of them pin me down and one of them use my head like a soccer and kick right at it? when i grew up and ask one of them in secondary school, he told me they did it just for fun?

5. or im being brought up too well where my parents dont allow things to harm me?

6. i trust people too easily?

7. or i just like that, for so many years i cant forget these images haunting in my mind.

chris, everytime you do things, please think of the consequences dont be lazy and dont think, please dont be a simple minded creature, ask yourself, why is this like this? what will it happen if i did this? how will the other feel if you do this? dont repeat it le.

You need more courage and confident. to face yourself and family and your love one.

afterall the biggest enemy is yourself. dont get beaten by yourself. stand up and fight back please. prove to other people that you can do it. #of course talk is cheap. please bare in mind and tattoo it in your heart, dont hurt her anymore, i just cant bare to see it.

today, when i told you the truth, i can see your heart in devastating de heart, i can see it in your eyes, i really can feel it. i promise you that i will be a better person. i will change but it will be a long process, i really do not wish to hurt you anymore.

#body temperature burn like nobody business. lol, hopefully after i wake up it will go down. tmr must maintain with the pressure of rf. i must be generous. can fotsee that she will stick to rf due to what happen. got to keep in mind that i have done wrong. i am done thinking through, got to remind and reflect myself!!!! 

BE YOURSELF!!!!