Got to let go of my ego and gain courage to share things with her.

same situation happen again.... chris!!! thing happened liao, you can't fall alseep again? Torturing yourself like that, what do you benefit from it. why you dont have the courage to tell her? Is your "face" so important? what are you scare of ? people to despise you? you are brought up by a good family and yet you do not have a proper job? how should you tell them? does it matter so much on how people look at you or how you look at yourself? which is more important? Think!!! 

Suddenly, tons of memories appear in my mind. someone once taught me or told me before, " you are who you think you are, if you are going to look down on yourself, eventually people can sense it throught your action and behaviour." 

I agree to this sentence but then, since when i start to behave like this? how come i do not have the confidence? what causes me to behave like this? is it because you scare you have no friends? or you are afraid of friends betray you just like in primary school? 

1. take my note book and throw away by my best friend?

2. up front is friend but at the back, kanna stab like crazy? i was too easy to manupilate?

3. fill up my water bottle with his urine by another best friend?

4. being chased after by 4 malay classmate, all of them pin me down and one of them use my head like a soccer and kick right at it? when i grew up and ask one of them in secondary school, he told me they did it just for fun?

5. or im being brought up too well where my parents dont allow things to harm me?

6. i trust people too easily?

7. or i just like that, for so many years i cant forget these images haunting in my mind.

chris, everytime you do things, please think of the consequences dont be lazy and dont think, please dont be a simple minded creature, ask yourself, why is this like this? what will it happen if i did this? how will the other feel if you do this? dont repeat it le.

You need more courage and confident. to face yourself and family and your love one.

afterall the biggest enemy is yourself. dont get beaten by yourself. stand up and fight back please. prove to other people that you can do it. #of course talk is cheap. please bare in mind and tattoo it in your heart, dont hurt her anymore, i just cant bare to see it.

today, when i told you the truth, i can see your heart in devastating de heart, i can see it in your eyes, i really can feel it. i promise you that i will be a better person. i will change but it will be a long process, i really do not wish to hurt you anymore.

#body temperature burn like nobody business. lol, hopefully after i wake up it will go down. tmr must maintain with the pressure of rf. i must be generous. can fotsee that she will stick to rf due to what happen. got to keep in mind that i have done wrong. i am done thinking through, got to remind and reflect myself!!!! 

BE YOURSELF!!!! 

Reflection

I really doubt that anyone is reading to my blog except one dear girl, B.

Anyway, what i really want to say is, after not using my brain for such a long time, it's tedious and really not use to it squeezing my brain juice.

Slowly learn how to think a bit harder trying to understand things into much deeper indepth. But to some of you, it might be just a simple and logical thinking and simple to understand.

it's been 39 days we are together officially, there's always up and down but everytime i get to cherish you more and more.

It's also been a long time i upload photos le, you give me the enthu and motivation to do all these things which i have not done it before... :)

this is the 2 photos i like it alot too... :)

On our way there~~~~ Cute b.. :)

Doing everything together with you!!! :D

I want to have more times together with you but due to upcoming de work and lesson, bu neng kan dao ni. :'( zhen de hui hen xiang hen xiang ni.

Neng he ni zai yi qi zhen de hen xin fu too!!! I will try to understand you more~~~~~ :) cause i might have my quiet times too.. :)

Lots and Lots of <3>

Chris aka Bei.. >_< haha!!!!